Move beyond worry

I admit it. I am a worrier. I like to analyze and plan, and I suppose worry grabs hold of me when I can't plan. And worry begets worry. Stress leads to worry which brings on more stress. I know all of this (because, after all I have done the analysis), but I sometimes feel powerless to stop it.

In addition to continued parental illnesses and two rounds of antibiotics for strep with Princess (who seems prone to pneumonia - scary!), I developed my own health scares. You know, the kind that start out as minor, like a cold, and develop into "what if it's lung cancer?". Thankfully, the killer diseases were all in my mind, but still a significant cause of worry that spiraled out of control.

Next came the very real death of the mother of one my oldest and dearest friends. Fortunately, I can work remotely and was able to be there for my friend as she faced her mother's death and funeral. Side note: if anyone ever thinks that there is even a remote chance of me dying, CALL A PRIEST!

And let's not forget my dear husband's very real struggle with food and weight. I worry about him (somewhat justified since his brother had a heart attack at 39). (Bad) Food can be a tough addiction to fight. And I pray for his faith: may he grow stronger.

I'm trying - really I am - to not worry and to deal with stress better. I need to trust in God and have faith that I am where I need to be. But my goodness it's hard sometimes! I need to remember:

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6–7)

And seriously, April was the last time that I posted something? So sorry about that!

7 Quick Takes (vol 2)

Happy Friday to all!

1. Two Saturdays ago, Princess and I spent mommy and me time shopping for stickers that Lacy found at Dollar Tree. Granted, we had to go to three different Dollar Trees (Dallas, Plano, and Frisco) to find them. We got Stations of the Cross, Mysteries of the Rosary, crosses and crucifixes, names of God, and Christmas/Nativity. They also have Jesus and Mary stickers too, but we already had those. The sets come four sheets to a package. What a deal!

2. We promptly added Mysteries of the Rosary stickers to Princess’ Rosary scrapbook, a rather long (months!) craft project to create something for her to look at while praying and learning the rosary. It’s turning into my craft project. Cute idea: take one 8x8 memory book that conveniently comes with 10 pages (20 sides), and create a scrapbook page for each mystery. I’ll probably add the prayers to the inside covers.

3. During our trek across the DFW Metroplex, we also stopped into the new-ish Catholic bookstore in Plano: Two Hearts (I can’t find a link). It’s located relatively close to my office, except that I work mostly at home these days. Anyway, in the back of the store, they have a nativity set up including dress up clothing for the kids. I loved seeing Princess dressed up as Mary holding the baby Jesus doll.

4. We’re in the process of hand painting eggs. I’ve gone through the tedious process of blowing out the eggs (two!), and Princess and I each painted one. We’ve tried and tried, but none of us can tell which side is the top or bottom! Must be the free range eggs I used.

5. I have discovered that I can read Kindle books on my iPod. Yes, you have to turn a lot of “pages”, but it’s still cool. It’s a free app – first one that pops up in the Apps store if you search on “Kindle”. Not that I buy a lot of (or any) Kindle books from Amazon. However, I did discover that sometimes books come up priced at $0. That’s right: free! I keep an eye on Kindle Review for free books.

(Of course, I guess I can just sort on Kindle books by price (low) on Amazon...)

6. Today is April 15 – tax day! However, due to some sort of D.C. holiday tomorrow, which has to be celebrated today (i.e. not on the weekend), we all get the option of waiting until Monday to turn in our taxes. This is good since I can’t get my accountant on the phone.

7. Princess is excited to wear red to Mass this Sunday for Palm Sunday. Red is her favorite color!

On that exciting note, have a great weekend!

7 Quick Takes (vol. 1)

NOTE: if you found me via Jen's blog on April 15, I linked to the wrong post! I should have linked to 7 Quick Takes (vol. 2). So sorry!

1. No April Fool’s joke: This is my first time to join “7 Quick Takes Friday”.

2. After that exciting bit of information, uh, hmm, so…let’s see. I got nothing. No, wait. I can do this!

My husband and I got iPod Touches for our belated Christmas/partly birthday/sort of Valentine’s presents to each other. I love it! We didn’t want iPhones because we didn’t want to be tied to the monthly fees. Trying to cut back, you know.

3. We visited my family in Houston a few weeks ago. My mother is home from the hospital but still in a hospital bed. Back to her old self – both good and bad! She was in the hospital over Christmas because of a fall and the resulting broken femur. Her surgery went well, but the recovery was and continues to be difficult. We thought we were losing her (kidney failure from the surgery) but were blessed with a Christmas day miracle. Thank you Lord. However, Mom still has Corticobasal Degeneration. I ask for continued prayers for her and my dad.

4. Moving onto happier thoughts, Princess and I planted our herbs and flowers yesterday evening. Last Saturday, with temperatures in the low 80s, I promised Princess a trip to the nursery the next day, which unfortunately dawned wet, windy and in the 40s. Some cruel joke since I had put away the winter coats the day before. Bravely we all went to the nursery Sunday afternoon, picked out some plants, brought them home, and left them on our balcony. “Too cold for planting,” I said. Finally, it was warm enough yesterday. In other words, the temperature reached the 70s because everyone knows that anything less is considered cold. Insert image of husband rolling eyes.

5. Princess spent the time digging in a pot of dirt.

6. Princess, aka Little One, turned five this month. She is expecting a birthday party with friends (we did one with family). I have no ideas. I wanted to keep the cost down by having it at our house, which is really a condo. No, there is no space outside to do anything. And no, I don’t have seating for ~10 kids. I’m at a loss. I thought about doing one of those stuff your own animal parties (I found one for cheaper than most). I guess they could sit on the floor…

7. Finally, I also celebrated my birthday this month. It was rather non-eventful since we were having cake for Princess with my family that day. Hint: lots of people wore green on my birthday.

For more Quick Takes, check out Jen Fulwiler's Conversion Diary. Thanks for stopping by, and have a great weekend!

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to my wonderful, sweet little girl, who turned five yesterday. You are a gift from God that your father and I treasure every day. May you always be blessed.

Over the weekend, my Princess and I took a walk. I asked where she wanted to walk. Her reply: "Let's go say hi to Jesus." Melted my heart. Our parish is three blocks from our home (makes one wonder how we are ever late for Mass), and along the way we stopped to pick flowers. What a lovely walk!

More, More, More!

That’s right. I want MORE! However, unlike so many others, I’m not trying to gain more power, wealth, fame or stuff. No, I want to improve how I live my life, praise God, and affect others. With that in mind, below is my top 10 “I want MORE!” list:

1. Pray more: Everyone can pray more. I can and need to pray more. I look for opportunities to pray throughout the day. But I also need to reassess my committed (and currently very short) time for prayer. And by making my prayers more visible, I hope to lead my husband and daughter to a more active prayer life.

2. Do more: My goal is to acquire less so that as a family we can focus on experiencing more. Studies show that it’s not stuff that makes us happy, but the trips and things that we do that promote long-term happiness. Recently, our family has talked about saving for Disney World (popular with our little Princess), taking another cruise (parental favorite!), and planning for future pilgrimages to Rome, the Holy Land, or other locations. Yet, these trips take planning and saving. Meanwhile, we can and should take time to make day trips, visit museums and parks, and plan dates.

3. Learn more: I love to read. There is always something new to learn, although learning a new language or picking up an instrument is a bit too optimistic at this time.

4. Teach more: Through my words and how I live my life, I am trying to lead others to live better lives.

5. Listen more: Yes, I need to listen more to what others are saying. What does my husband really need from me? How can I be more patient in understanding my daughter? What did that person just say on yet another conference call???

6. Create more: Happy times when I am creative. Like most of this list, I just have to make the time.

7. Be “more healthy”: My husband and I both need to exercise more (or, if I am honest, start exercising). And while eating healthier (or less unhealthy) than most Americans is great, I know that I can improve my diet and that of my family. I love fruits and veggies, but I’ve got to eat more protein and good fats.

8. Give more: We need to count our blessings. We have so much more than so many others. And we really can help others by giving more of our time and resources.

9. Relax more: I try – I really do!

10. Cuddle more: My daughter just wants someone to play with her. Yes, she needs to learn to entertain herself, but I can attend more tea parties, play more games, and watch more performances. She is growing up so fast, and these are the activities that both of us will remember. I also need to spend more cuddle time with my husband. Although we are usually in the same room in the evenings, we tend to do our own thing. Nice – but not enough. At least some evenings should be spent doing something, even if watching TV, together.

There you have it. Any suggestions are welcome.

Happy and healthy New Year!

Sad diagnosis. Prayers needed

My mother has been ill for a number of years. This week, she was diagnosed with Corticobasal Degeneration, a progressive degenerative brain disease that has similarities with both Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. Unfortunately, what we thought were physical signs of OCD were mostly likely the early stages of CBD. She has declined rapidly over the past several months and is now getting significantly worse each day. I thought that our upcoming visit for the holidays (what will certainly be our last Christmas with her) could be used to discuss care for her because my father is close to not being able to care for her any more. But that day may come sooner than expected. What looked like months now seems like weeks – or less. This is a disease with no cure and from which patients die, usually of pneumonia or other disease associated with immobile, elderly people.

Please pray for my mother, my father and all of us.

Another Angel

We found out earlier this week that we lost another baby. We now have four little angels in Heaven praying for the rest of their family here. This one, like the second, never developed past five weeks (we lost the other two around eight-and-a-half weeks).

As it turns out, one can be “kind of” pregnant. Like most of the other times, I still have all the first trimester symptoms including being incredibly nauseas all day long. It makes it even more difficult to deal with the emotional loss while still feeling horrible.

But we will get through our sadness with faith, prayers and love. Once again, Princess (aka “Little One” – but she’s not so little any more) has the right attitude: she is happy to have an angel in Heaven.

10 Reasons I Like My Job

In this day and time, I should be happy that I have a job. And I am! As the current breadwinner of my family (hubby has gone back to school), I really need a good job. But sometimes, I feel less than happy when my company institutes pay cuts and lays off thousands of people. We are all asked to do more with less. I’m sure that’s not limited to my company. So, here are the top ten reasons that I like my job:

1. It pays the bills (although fewer than before)
2. I can work from home if I want/need to
3. Which allows me to at least save money on gas, tolls, and general wardrobe costs,
4. And lets me get dinner and laundry done sooner (since I am already home and don’t have to make the commute),
5. And sometimes means that I have time to go to daily Mass!
6. Since I’ve worked at this company for awhile, I have a number of vacation days
7. People know me and appreciate what I do, which can come in handy if I need to deal with some personal issues (doctor appointments, sick parents, child’s school function)
8. Did I mention that they pay me?
9. Company discounts on products
10. And I truly do like the people that I work with

Sometimes I have to remember to be happy, especially since I have a number of friends who have been out of work for months. And I am – I am truly blessed to have a job with such flexibility.

Celebrating my mothers' birthdays

Yesterday we celebrated Mary’s birthday with cupcakes. Unfortunately, they weren’t homemade (no time), but I suppose Mary doesn’t mind. No one in the family complained. This is the first time that we have done something like this for Mary’s birthday.

Today is my mother’s birthday. Happy Birthday Mom! We started praying our first family novena this week and chose the novena to St. Dymphna, patron saint of those afflicted with mental disorders. Why do I talk about our novena and my mother’s birthday in the same paragraph? My mother suffers from depression and OCD. We pray for her often.

Since she doesn’t believe in getting psychiatric help or counseling, there isn’t much we can do. Texas has very restrictive laws about having someone committed. Years ago, we did a family intervention and somehow got her to an emergency room where she was evaluated by the psychiatrist on staff. He agreed that she suffers from severe OCD, but she refused treatment. And since she wasn’t “waving a gun around” (i.e. threatening direct, bodily harm to herself or others), he had to release her. Friends of mine have suggested actions like leaving her to care for herself (the idea being that she couldn’t and would have to call for help). My father, sister and I truly believe that she would never seek help and instead just waste away.

It’s a very sad situation (and hard to explain if you are not around to see and interact yourself). St. Dymphna, pray for my mother. Blessed Mary, pray for my mother.

One more year

Happy Birthday to my sweet Little One! She turned four this past weekend (I can't believe it!). This is the first year that we gave a birthday party with kids. She had a blast!

My birthday is tomorrow. So far, this decade seems...less energetic...than the last. Women, note that your hormones really do start to decline in your late 30s to early 40s. Ugh - I have to get some energy back somehow!

And, of course, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day! (Good thing I like the color green; lots of green birthday cakes growing up.) Little One and I will be discussing the Trinity (hopefully with a shamrock art project, but that depends on Mommy's energy level). Maybe we can say the St. Patrick's chaplet.

Have a great St. Patrick's Day, wear green, and pray for greater faith!

PS: We managed to make and decorate a shamrock yesterday. We talked about the Trinity -- and then Little One handed me the shamrock and said "Happy Birthday!" Apparently she and her father had already discussed making me a green card, and I confused the matter by making a green shamrock. :)

Out of the mouths of babes

Although we explained to our three-year-old that the baby was no longer in Mommy's tummy but in Heaven, I was a little surprised by the following conversation. I wanted her to understand why Mommy and Daddy were sad and wanted to make sure that she was doing ok.

Mommy: "Mommy and Daddy are sad because the baby isn't here. Are you sad?"
Little One: "No."
Mommy: "You're not sad? Why?"
Little One: "Baby is in Heaven with Jesus praying."

Well, there you go.

Our loss - and our gain in Heaven

Before Little One was born, we lost two other children through miscarriages. We recently lost another one. Yes, I struggle with "why", especially since I was on aspirin and progesterone (which worked once before). But I know this baby, along with two of his siblings, is in Heaven and that we as a family have three babies to intercede on our behalf always.

Prayer on EWTN from Mother Angelica:

My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.

Because it was still early (first trimester), we had only told close family and Little One. Some may argue against telling a child, especially a small child. But we want her to know that every life is precious and cherished. And now she knows that the baby is in Heaven with Jesus.

We are doing ok. I'm a little nervous since I will be having surgery soon for the miscarriage, so please keep us in your prayers.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to my little one! I can't believe you are three years old. Your daddy and I love you very much. May you grow strong in body, mind and spirit, and be blessed always.

(Sorry this is two days late.)

Love,
Mommy

Merry Christmas!

Belated Merry Christmas to everyone. And Happy New Year. May God bless you.

I am fortunate enough to have some time off from work to spend with my family (even better: it's paid time off). As I watch my young daughter dance around the room, I reflect on our little family and how important it is to cherish each day. Last Sunday was the feast of the Holy Family. I pray that we, as a family, live as Christian models to others. We're still working on it!

Have a happy and safe new year's eve.

Maintaining your marrige = strong family

My husband and I have returned from a wonderful week together in a much warmer climate. Neither one of us realized how stressed we both had been. But more surprisingly, I don't think either of us realized how much we needed this time together without other people around. We missed our daughter terribly, but we were able to share quality time rediscovering why we got married. In no way was our marriage in trouble, but I can see how spouses slowly over time lose sight of each other and the marriage deteriorates.

The valuable lesson for us is that a strong, connected marriage will lead to a strong and happy family. Thank you to everyone who kept us in your prayers!